So, my 32nd birthday was almost two weeks ago. Yes, I just turned 32 on January 7. I’m aware that most people feel insecure about their real age; especially females but I have to say I find it a bit strange when males act in the same manner! This makes me wonder why such a number matter that much? Why do people feel the need to hide it? Isn’t it just a number? And why would the “magnitude” of that number cause such trouble? I then think that what if we measured our age by what we have accomplished in our lives? Wouldn’t the “magnitude” have a different meaning then? How about measuring age through the way we have lived our lives instead of the number of years that count for our age? Or even measuring it with what we have done or where we have been to? Wouldn’t we want a big “magnitude” for that? So that we feel we did something with our years and that they didn’t pass by in vain!! Why can’t we look at our age from that perspective? We can then recognize how insignificant that number is when compared to how rich our lives can be and maybe then it won’t be such a threat anymore and we can actually be cool about it!
Well, I chose to measure my age by how prosperous my life has been and hope that I score high because in such a case I will feel that my life is worth it; that I succeeded in living and didn’t let the years just pass me by with nothing important to cling to or remember. I believe at such a moment it won’t make a difference if I’m in my 40ies or even early 20ies! Because simply at the end of the day it’s up to me to make my life count and that has absolutely nothing to do with a silly number. It’s me who can choose whether to enjoy my life and do the things I have always wanted to do; the things that make me happy or just give in to life!! I believe if we fail to notice that number and just start focusing on the things that matter the most to us and not that one thing we can’t control which is our age we will be able to see things differently; clearly even and we will just be amazed. We need to be in charge of our lives and not allow numbers to tell us what to do; we should know better.
So looking at how my previous year looked like; I have to admit it was kind of a tough year. I have lost people close to my heart and life is not the same without them anymore. I have faced challenges that I’m still trying to cope with until now; challenges that have left me feeling lost. And now at age 32 I feel more lost than I have ever felt before. I never felt uncertain as I do now; it feels as if I’m pursuing a mirage and the more I run towards it the more it disappears. I have always thought I knew what I wanted to do or how I wanted my life to turn into but at the moment nothing is certain anymore! Maybe I just thought to myself I’m now old enough not to feel disoriented, I’m now old enough to “assume” that I know what I want but why would that be the case? Should I really know it all? I feel lost though at peace and that’s maybe because I need to lose me in order to find myself.
However with all the downsides of that year I have to confess that I had great moments as well. I was able to travel to Italy (one of my dream trips :D); I made new friends; I shared wonderful times with my family and friends; and I consider that starting my blog is my biggest achievement for 2014 because I found out how writing makes me happy. I’m grateful for all that has come my way, I’m grateful for all the experiences that made me who I’m today. I’m sure it wouldn’t have been the same without all the ups and downs.
So for 2015 I decide to learn from my experiences good or bad. To surrender to the things that make me happy and the people who fill my life with joy. To accept change and not be afraid of it as I don’t know what it holds for me so why presume it will be something bad. I decide to continue to be good to others but myself the most; to take care of myself body and soul. To not allow myself to be broken over things I can’t control, and be strong enough to let such things go in order for me to move on. I decide to just be and as I’m getting “older” I choose to accept what life has in store for me and as Sam Cooke says “There been times when I thought I couldn’t last for long but now I think I’m able to carry on. It’s been a long, a long time coming but I know a change gon’ come, oh yes it will”
So yes, a change is gonna come and I opt to be hopeful remembering the words of the great Rumi “Never lose hope my heart, miracles dwell in the invisible”.